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My name isn't important, I am here to vent, once a full time ana but now back to square one. I started to recover after my victory of 99. Recovering on my own which is never recommended, I wanted to rid myself of this disease and I did(or at least I thought i did). I loved food, I ate and ate. I loved the way my pallet would be able to taste ingredients so well. I became one of those people who was always D.T.E (down to eat). Until I started to notice more and more weight being put on. I stepped on the scale at my friends house, ( my mother hid the scale from me) and there it was a number I never heard of a whopping 183. I immediately hated myself. Now I'm back to my old ways, habits. I used to have a blog under the name Fading Figure.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Trinity's Crying

     This morning when I stepped on the scale heavy from the day before's food rotting in my stomach I weighed 166lbs(75.3kgs) Yuck.
Today I have consumed:
-water (of corse)
-Naked All natural fruit boost

     This Naked juice is yummy and a great after work out reward especially when I feel the fainting point. I love this juice. I got it from Target next to the salad supplies, fruits and vegetables. Its 100% juice and there is no sugar added. It even has what fruits and the boost it is made with. 

The fruit: 2 3/4 apples, 1/2 banana, 1/3 kiwi, and a hint of pineapple
The Boost: 1300mg spirulina (I have no idea), 400mg chlorella, 100mg broccoli, 100mg spinach, 50mg blue green algae ( doesn't sound too pleasant), 50mg garlic(?) 75mg barley grass, 75mg wheat grass, 50mg ginger, and 50mg parsley

      Wow for having all that stuff in it, a lot of it gross sounding, it tasted fucking awesome. The calorie count is 280. Not the number I want, but it has all of this healthy stuff in it so I won't complain. :)

     I didn't do too much cardio at the gym which is regrettable but there were just so many people in there and it was making me nervous. I tend to get "nervous" or as my doctor likes to say anxiety when I'm on a mission and there is a lot of people blocking me from getting it done and not letting me focus. So I tried to get out of there as fast as I could.

     K and I wanted to do a GTL day (gym, tan, laundry) but we decided not to because our schedules were different. I think it was a good thing we didn't hang out though because I always feel obligated to eat around her. Even when I don't really feel all that hungry just because of her smirky little comments. I hope she doesn't say anymore there really starting to get annoying. I might just look up effects of sex addictions and throw them in here and there just to see how she feels but I'm not in the mood for a fight right before we leave for spring break.

     Disappointed because I haven't had the first growl of the fast today. Really what can I expect, I've been eating normal for the past 2 weeks. Hopefully it will come tomorrow. I don't even feel hungry. Just a little lightheaded from the work out. This isn't really a challenge for me although it is only day one. I still don't feel like I'm controlling myself unless there is some kind of challenge. I think I might go 4 days. If you want to join let me know I love having fasting buddies it makes the ride a little smoother to know someone else is doing it too. You also get an accountability partner ha. Heather is doing the fast with me I think :).

      I haven't talked to J since may 10. Although I said I didn't want to talk to him again I'm a little upset he hasn't tried to talk to me STILL. I have a lot of self control with men as well so I know I won't talk to him first. But all the self control goes down the drain if he does talk to me. I know I would respond. Wahhhh. Oh well, I need to keep my focus on school and ana. And on spring break my focus will be drinking and partying. This may sound immature but if I don't get arrested or end up on the beach naked this spring break I will not feel I did my fellow spring breakers good. I might be a disappointment. I don't like to disappoint. ;) No posting for a week. Its going to be a sad week

OH SHIT THE FIRST GROWL OF THE FAST JUST HAPPENED. Yay. So. Freaking. Satisfied. Now I can go to sleep on an empty stomach and a happy head. Good night all you skinnies
xoxoxox


P.S. Don't judge me, I like weird music. Its beautiful in a sad way. <3


1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you were drinking Green Machine. That one is delicious and my favorite. I also suggest Red machine {it has flax that provides omega-3s that help you stay beautiful} and Mango {vitamin c!}.

    Sounds like you and J are a bit complicated. I hope that spring break takes your mind off him. 'Tis the season to go ape-shit. That was a wonderful song. Have you ever listened to the Cocteau Twins or Dead Can Dance? I suggest Alice from the former and Summoning of the Muse from the later.

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