About Me

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My name isn't important, I am here to vent, once a full time ana but now back to square one. I started to recover after my victory of 99. Recovering on my own which is never recommended, I wanted to rid myself of this disease and I did(or at least I thought i did). I loved food, I ate and ate. I loved the way my pallet would be able to taste ingredients so well. I became one of those people who was always D.T.E (down to eat). Until I started to notice more and more weight being put on. I stepped on the scale at my friends house, ( my mother hid the scale from me) and there it was a number I never heard of a whopping 183. I immediately hated myself. Now I'm back to my old ways, habits. I used to have a blog under the name Fading Figure.

Monday, February 28, 2011

My second post and I already miss my old blog.

I honestly am considering just going back to that blog and saying I don't give a fuck. I just feel like no one is reading this blog and no one knows my story, I can either think of it as a clean slate or a hassle because I will have to re-post my blogs. Right now I'm being negative and thinking of it as a hassle. :(

Anyways today I ate "healthy" but skipped the gym. I justified my laziness by saying I would go twice as long tomorrow. Well see if that happens. It will most likely, because I must force myself. I plan on fasting tomorrow oh and today I weight 169 which is a high for me. Lately I've been weighing around 163-167 but I had a bad weekend filled with food and depression. I'm just trying to get back down to 163 so I can then get to my next goal of 160.

Some things have happened with J. We slept together for a total of 3 times now but I will NEVER talk to him again. I totally embarrassed myself when I was drunk I ended up calling him more than 15 times yes. And texting him some things I am too mortified to post. Why must I be such a lush? He didn't reply to any text or calls. I obviously look like a stage five clinger. He hasn't talked to me since the beginning of the month before my druken mishap. But I am also NOT talking to him again because he only talks to me when he wants something. And after 3 years of fearing relationships, I am ready to date again.

I must head off to bed now though I have a busy day tomorrow considering I will be spending at least 3 hours at the gym.. eek.














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1 comment:

  1. DylpheMarch 1, 2011 at 4:13 AM

    aw hun sorry it's sucky but you might just need to repost your things since you said it was so important for you to keep it on the DL since you have your newscaster goals.
    it's good to get unnecessary people out of your life, it feels damn good.
    stay strong

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