I'm so naive all the time. I'm not sure when people tell me I can't if I am physically not able to do it. I'm not sure when my future roommate (we will call her LJ) LJ tells me I will most def make enough money working at joe's to pay for rent if she is just saying that because she is desperate to move out or if its sincere. I feel torn between everything..I haven't even thought of food today. I've been too distracted with thoughts of moving.
I talked to my mom and I actually feel pretty secure about moving out again. She told me to ignore everyone who is being negative about it. So I am. Which is my sisters and my best friend K. But she is always negative about everything.
Pros of Moving out
- No one to be suspicious if you've eaten
- I can come and go as I please
- My friends can come and go as they please
- I can have guys come over- my father doesn't allow guys to come over.
- I can have guys stay the night ;)
- I won't feel like I am in anybodies way.
- I can finally learn to manage my money
- Mature (I am 20 years old..almost..and I still count on daddy)
- INDEPENDENCE
Cons of Moving out
- I will be on a tight budget
- I will miss living with my daddy
- I will have to work my ass off constantly to make rent (what everyone is telling me)
- My father pays for food, all the bills, the house and my beloved dog's food.
I mean I calculated it and it is going to be $1300.00 a month. Having $200.00 extra to spend on whatever. Is it really that hard to be a waitress/student? I'm only taking 3 classes which aren't even hard. I don't know, I feel like I have been so sheltered all my life that its made me so naive. Urrrhghh so many things to think about. Well my sister L totally put a damper on my dreams. She said I wasn't prepared and was really rude to me. I'm tired of arguing with people. I want to live my own life but I also want to be prepared and be financially stable.
So today's fasting has been a pure success. HOORAY!! I finally got my shit together. This morning I weighed 164 lbs(74.39kgs). I plan on fasting tomorrow and the next day. That should be enough days to loose weight to reach my next goal of 160lbs(72.57kgs). When I reach my next goal I will eat 3 boiled egg whites 2 days in a row. Then continue fasting for like 2 days or so. This plan WILL work. I don't even care about food anymore. I need to pay the gym so I can get back in there and do my thang. And be tight not flabby like I am now. I feel proud of myself but I know its not enough. I have to keep going. I won't stop until I get to my goal. Then its onto the next goal. I've also decided to make promises to myself after reaching a goal weight. My first promise was when I made my goal of 170lbs(77.11kgs) I promised I would never let myself reach 180 lbs(81.65kgs) again. Now when I hit 160(72.57kgs) I must promise myself to never weigh 165lbs(74.84kgs) again. I used to have this mentality the first time around ana sunk her sharp teeth in me. Thank you ana. Seemed to work last time so I will do it again. :)
I haven't mentioned this guy in my new blog yet but here is a short summary of J:
We sometimes sleep together mostly when he contacts me first. I will never talk to a guy (who is not my friend) first. I guess its old fashioned but its just the way I am...unless I am drunk because that's a whole knew me..one who I like to call Betty. And Betty doesn't go by rules or fashion old or new. ANYWAYS... We sleep together, he is an amazing singer/guitar player. Right now he is trying his hand at rap. It kind of sounds like kid cudi or something. I like it. I had a big crush on him but now I totally understand that we are using each other. He is also one of my older sisters YS's friend and her husbands friend. One night in February I texted and called him a bunch of times-20 times.... I was super drunk don't judge me. Well after that night he didn't talk to me again until today. All we really talked about was funny youtube videos.. Nothing really important at all like: "when are you going to fuck me" (said with good manners) Please and Thank you. Something that bothers me though about having sex with him is he always thinks hes hurting me. And I always think I am not some fucking dandelion just fuck me. I think maybe because the first time we had sex I screamed and told him he was because he did hurt me and now its all waahh wah wah am I hurting you? -Sorry for being so vulgar. I ended up logging off of facebook because the conversation was obviously going no where..well at least no where I wanted it to go ;)...We'll see if he can come up with anything better to talk to me about tonight. Please let it be a conversation on sex. I wish I was like Samantha from sex and the city
Just watch the video and you will understand. Maybe not as vulgar. But to be able to tell a man "I WANT YOU NOW IN MY BED"....hahah...
If you haven't already join the binge free spring with Zane. I have joined too. If you have already binged this spring just start now and for the rest of spring keep it binge free. It will be unregretful and a challenge. I know all of you can do it though :).
xoxoxo
-For some reason its not letting me open files to where all my thinspo is. Sorry y'all. No thinspo tonight :/
- Oh and I am thankful for you guys telling me I can move out! Y'all cheer me up :D
About Me
- Silhouette
- My name isn't important, I am here to vent, once a full time ana but now back to square one. I started to recover after my victory of 99. Recovering on my own which is never recommended, I wanted to rid myself of this disease and I did(or at least I thought i did). I loved food, I ate and ate. I loved the way my pallet would be able to taste ingredients so well. I became one of those people who was always D.T.E (down to eat). Until I started to notice more and more weight being put on. I stepped on the scale at my friends house, ( my mother hid the scale from me) and there it was a number I never heard of a whopping 183. I immediately hated myself. Now I'm back to my old ways, habits. I used to have a blog under the name Fading Figure.
Everyone told me I wouldn't make it on my own... and it took me a couple of years to get into the swing of things and figure out how to control my spending... but I got it! And now when I start my career next year... I'm going to have extra money kicking around!
ReplyDeleteYou'll do fine.
XOXO
Nessa
I hope everything works out for you in the moving out deal. You should definitely just jump in and figure things out. That's the way people mature and figure out life.
ReplyDeleteYay for fuck buddies! I have to tell you that I totally favorited that video. Up till the 3 minute mark, I am totally her. seriously. The resemblance is uncanny and somewhat disturbing.
One of the best things about living alone is that you can control all of the food that comes into your fridge or pantry. If you know something will be particularly tempting and might cause a binge just don't buy it. You'd be surprised by how much money you can save by not buying food.
ReplyDelete